For me trying to control something has a lot to do with my anxiety. I stress about the outcome or why is this happening. But guess what? As I’ve learned, what other people do or say has nothing to do with you.
I know it’s hard to believe because, on some level, we all like to think we are the center of the universe, but what other people do has nothing to do with other individuals. It’s their shit.
Everyone is operating from their own past, their beliefs, and their habits. Good and bad.
It’s hard to remember, especially when someone we’re close to says something shitty to us or does something shitty to us. Like when a boyfriend wouldn’t stop showing up late (or not at all), I thought it was because he didn’t love or respect me enough. Yeah, that had nothing to do with me, but at the time I had no idea. He was projecting his feelings on to me. He was insecure, so he had to have some semblance of control.
So when you want to fight back, or you get upset, try to remember it’s not you IT’S THEM! So to them, I say live and be well far away from me.
Here are 3 easy ways to accepting it’s their fucking problem and not about you.
LET THAT SHIT GO
The mean stuff other people do and say is all on them. It’s their shit projected at you. Whether it’s addiction or narcissism, or whatever it’s totally them. It was very exciting when I figured this out.
But when I really want to punch someone for pissing me off I think of this; there is a sketch comedy group from the ’90s called Kids In The Hall, and they used to do this sketch Head Crusher where a guy would look at people through pinched fingers and pretend to crush their heads. It was so silly, but psychologically it makes sense because how many times have you wanted to crush someone’s head? I always think of this when someone hurts me or does something that pisses me off. And it makes me laugh because it’s so ridick.
CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE
I like to think I’m always right, but when it comes to letting go, you have to look at another person’s point of view. Usually, when you do that, you can understand what’s up with their actions. I like to feel sorry for them. They gots issues that they’re not working on. Just bless their heart and move on. I think changing your perspective is the best way to see how what other people do and say is not about us!
STOP LIVING ON THE DEFENSIVE
You can’t walk through life living in a defensive frame of mind. The world is not out to get you. I know it can be comforting to wallow in self-pity. I’m really good at it, but it’s the worst way to live because it will always keep you in a negative place.
Remember, you can’t control other people’s actions, only your reactions to them. Try to have a trusting perspective, and you’ll attract more things, people, and situations in which to be happy and, hopefully, less controlling.
How do you deal with letting go of control and not letting it make you crazy? Share in the comments because sharing is caring!